My dreams are crazy this week. comes partly from quitting concerta and also following my "dreams."
I dreamed of an alternaverse where Trader Brandon who designed Trader Sam's bought land just outside of WDW and made his own super-Trader Sam's and then started expanding it into it's own Adventureland-esque series of hotels and bars. At first we were just at the bar but then we were staying in his first hotel which was smallish and a tiny bit run down. He was in the process of building a small waterslide park. Seemingly by himself with bags of cement mix and a shovel. Brandon was staying living in the room next to mine and I made friends with him and he showed me around.
There was also a miles long adventure trail a la temple of doom with obstacles and places you have to swom or swim under something to pass. In my dream there were actual dangers there and I think you come out the other side on Disney Property. Later in my dream I was there with Isaac and a young girl was trying to sneak into there in the middle of the night because she wanted to solve crimes. She was like an 8 year old scooby gang/hardy boys-inspired character.
In this dream I was married to Heidi a few years earlier and we went there both together and separately? We flew there together and then she had to go to England for school or work as soon as we got there and I was secretly happy about this. But there were problems flying sorta like coronavirus is creating and so I started having fun by myself and making friends with Brandon and then after a day, Heidi comes back unannounced and I'm upset that now she's going to ruin my vacation we had planned to take together. She's condescending about disney world, and mean to me. Now our son is there too but he's a young child instead of a teen. And also we have 2 20something newlyweds there with us who may be relatives of ours.
At one point Heidi is trying to unwind and joke around with me and get casual so she has a drink and she asks me which Friend's character I'd sleep with. I go through all of them of either gender determining that they are all dispicable people and I have them and the show they're on except for Phoebe. I'd sleep with Phoebe. INstantly, Heidi full on punches me in the face hard and starts screaming at me and pulls me off of mty barstool and starts dragging me along the cobblestone floor by my feet. Our newlywed frinds come out and are apalled. I'm happy I finally had witnesses to this behavior and because there were witnesses it feels more real than when it happens at home when it's just the two of us and so I loudly tell her that this is unacceptable and I'm not giving her any mor chances and I'm asking for a divorce.
Our son is there and he hears this and after Heidi runs crying to her room I go to talk with Isaac. Isaac has mixed feelings because he is on vacation and he's happy that I'm free of her but he also loves us both and he doesn't want his life complicated by his parents separating and divorcing.
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Sleep and dreams issues:
It turns out I have chronic parasomnia. I'm always partially dreaming. literally. This is why i'm creative but this is also why I have narcolepsy, why I talk in my sleep, why I have hypnagogic and hypnopompic auditory hallucinations, why I have sleep arousal confusion. And the songs I wake up with in my head are prophetic to the day ahead of me and I once woke up with a phrase in latin repeating in my head and I had to look it up and it was actually latin even though i don't know latin.
perpetually half-asleep is the state surrealists like Dali would have killed to have because he went out of his way to attain a state that I live in naturally.
I should build a life around having the ability to live like this and sleep when my body neds sleeping and write and make art and follow the artistic whims i get in my dreams as they occur.
this state is hightened right now because I just weened myself off of concerta, which is an ADHD stimulant. at first it helped me to get daily grown up things done but eventually it no longer did and it increased my anxiety and depression and immobilized me creatively. I believe it stunted my unconscious mind. suppressed it. My falling down the stairs in parasomnambulist state was the re-merging with my unconscious mind. I feel like my full self now. no longer a robot with no spirit.
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